Does an Encourager or the Internet "turn" a guy into a Gainer?

Narrowing this into a question is going to be tricky...

You helped me understand my 'fetish development' may likely be started by having a formative experience while coming into sexuality (with the husky guy in my high school gym class). This initial mind-mapping/hard-wiring explains the beginning, but now I'm wondering if by internet hauntings and the handful of encounters I've had with true gainers has deepened/further developed my 'interests' to the point of "once you go fat (in the encourager sense) you never go back." I wonder if I have warped myself and could not ever really have a successful relationship with a "civilian."

I first described myself as fat-neutral, then chubby-chaser years later, but now I'd say I'm a full-blown encourager, no more excuses. I can't deny that I think I'd be happiest with a gainer, not just a casually fat guy. I have trouble imagining anyone but a genuine gainer as a partner. Just like I've seen someone start off with just a leather cap, then a harness, then into chaps and leather head to toe. 

I know if I found Mr Right and he wasn't even fat, I could fall in love with him and have a good relationship, but would always pine for a fattening guy. I'm curious if there is a pattern with other folks that means through life experiences, we keep branching off the main trail until we can't find our way back. We keep having experiences until we deepen our hard-wiring into a rut. 

And it leads me to a greater concern I have. I try not to interact internet-wise with sub-25 guys because I fear I may be leading them down one of those side trails by supporting/encouraging them just when they are going through some hard-wiring times themselves. In other words, they post videos or pics on gainers sites, and my responses/encouragements (along with many others) leads them to connect sex with their gaining, something they wouldn't get outside the internet. I fear being responsible for coaxing a young guy into a lifestyle that may endanger his health or reduce his chances of finding happiness in the future. No matter what, the gainer/encourager community is a minority within a minority within a minority. 

Science says that anybody who gains a lot of weight fast in their teens/early 20s builds fat cells that always want to be plump, no matter how much they exercise and starve later on. And I think I've found somewhere that being fat/eating fattening things becomes a beta-endorphin producing experience, so together, the body gets 'programmed' into being a gainer both in the brain and in the cells. 

I found a video of this young guy (I think he's about 20), that is so enthralling, I see it in my head about every 30 seconds. I don't want to be responsible, but he's so compelling, it's hard to not watch endlessly and drool. If I support him, will my support hard-wire him into only being sexually satisfied as a gainer, while his body at a cellular/endorphin level keeps trying to make him a gainer too? Before I found fat acceptance/gainer stuff on the web, I felt like a unicorn. It's great when we can accept and support each other, but when do we reach the other side of the sword?

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Let me first give you a couple of personal disclosures in terms of my own history. Years ago I remember an older woman explaining to me she believed her gay brother was “straight” when he was growing up, but when he left their community to join the military, “something must have happened” because when he returned home he was then gay. This makes perfect logical sense from her perspective, and it also explains why so many extreme conservative types, particularly those representing certain religious sects, fear the LGBT community. They firmly believe their family members were “just fine” and then, damn it, if they didn't “catch gay” from someone who was infected, and if they had only stayed home and had not gone away to work, to join the army, to college—then they would have “stayed normal.”

The other obvious explanation is the woman's brother had always been gay, but didn't feel safe enough to express his true identity in their rural community, and only felt safe enough to come out when he left the community. When he finally returned home, he felt confident enough to be his true self there as well. But for those people who never left “home” to encounter the larger world, their explanation seems real.

I suspect you're making the same sort of illogical/logical connections—that gainers were “standard males” and they “turned into gainers” because they were infected by people like you. Or for that matter—you were a “standard male,” but you got infected by someone—maybe the husky high school student and BOOM! You became an encourager, and/or the guy in your video de jour became a gainer because he discovered a gainer related website.

In my other disclosure, when I began working at our clinic, the Medical Director was a psychiatrist and he was very helpful when I started off with self-doubt that I might make a mistake and “break” a patient—or more precisely, make the patient worse. He told me patients tend to respond to therapy in a very predictable way. About one third of them get better, about one third of them stay the same, and about one third of them get worse. Later on in my career, very large research studies were done in substance abuse treatment, and we discovered a huge population of people who never went through therapy at all—but still got better.

The other thing he told me was that as therapists, upon the whole, we don't have nearly as much of an influence on an individual patient as we'd like to believe.

I suspect you may be “over-thinking” this, and end up believing you have a much bigger influence on younger guys (or guys in general) than you really do. Did these young adults “morph” into gainers because they met “pervy” older guys like you and if they had only stayed home and with no Internet access, they would have remained at 18% body fat, or would have continued to be jocks?

I think the reality is much closer to what happened to the man who went into the army and “came home gay.” The Internet and college (and the military, btw) or relocating for a new job simply gave a lot of people the freedom to more fully express themselves outside of the restrictions they felt at home. As a Family Therapist, I feel there are definitely some children who are strongly influenced by growing up in families where one or both of the parents had a real hang-up about body fat that was from a systems perspective, no different than them growing up in a household where alcohol abuse was part of their history and the rule was “You won't even burp a beer in this house.” You know what the two best predictors are for you becoming an alcoholic? The first is growing up in an alcoholic family. The second best predictor is growing up in a tee-totaling household.

This is because from a systems perspective, there is no difference between the two—they are simply the opposite ends of the same pole. Now, pulling back for a bigger picture, it may well be one or both parents came from fat families and one or both desired to be fat as well, but for a number of reasons, became fixated on the idea that “fat was evil' (hope all of you see how you can substitute “fat” for a lot of other conditions that get demonized and the fight against what you desire can screw up your life in a major way). That gives a real “mixed message” to the kid growing up—that fat is “wrong/bad/stupid/crazy/evil” and you have to guard yourself at all times because your destiny is to become fat/sinful/turn gay.

IMPORTANT! One of the hardest things to do when writing about this stuff is trying to avoid a pathological slant on gaining/fat. It's so easy to compare it to being prone to substance abuse because general Western society has brainwashed us to think this way. Substance abuse (as opposed to use—I'm talking about when it gets to the point of interfering with one's life, as opposed to someone who has a glass of wine with dinner) can be pathological. Many believe people with addictive potential will suddenly become addicts from the “first sip of alcohol,” or the “first toke” of pot. This is so ingrained by the media and society, it's easy to “make the jump” and falsely see a cause and effect relationship in other parts of one's life—which can end up with people in your situation wondering if you are guilty of “corrupting” an innocent by offering him a second piece of cake, and that's equivalent to giving an alcoholic their first drink. These are really very different issues.

In some of the more recent areas of research, some scientists are suggesting we re-think our perception of sexual orientation. Sadly, this also has a basis in pathology. The current stuff is based on working with sexual abuse, particularly with pedophiles. It's so damn hard to get past the pathology.

But this has been an outgrowth of the greater acceptance in society of gay and lesbians, where same-sex orientation is no longer automatically seen as “wrong” or “sick.” It's now accepted that you don't attempt “reparative therapy (i.e., pray away the gay), an approach that has been labeled not only as “quackery” but also as unethical and is now against the law in California (some other states will also make this their law as well) because of the terrible damage it's done to innocent LGBT youth.

What if you saw being a gainer/encourager as a type of sexual orientation? And as I have often suggested, I see a continuum—a spectrum of gaining/encouraging/fat appreciation. There are some people who want to be fat, and others who want a fat partner, but again—it's like being on the same stick, but in a different place. Enjoying another person gaining is structurally no different than enjoying your own gaining. And indeed, some people enjoy gaining and being in a relationship with someone who also enjoys gaining. Some people want to skip the gaining and immediately be fat or have a partner of a certain size. However, it makes sense to lump them all together as part of the gainer community. But it does mean some gainers don't want to be with an encourager who doesn't also want to gain—which as I understand it from our previous discussion, might include your experience.

This also needs to exclude guys who get fat for reasons that are not related to this as part of a “sexual orientation.” This would include people who overeat as a type of self-medication, who are often depressed, or true gluttons who enjoy a lot of good food and little exercise, who would definitely swallow a pill if they could keep their indulgent lifestyle and suddenly have a 30 inch waist—but they don't value a 30 inch waist enough to diet and exercise. For these two groups, because they don't have a “gainer sexual orientation, they don't get an erotic charge out of the flab. This is also why so many gainers have difficulty being in a relationship with a “civilian” because it would basically be like having a gay man doing his best to feel an erotic attraction to a woman.

The metaphor I've often used is a radio. You may be unaware of it, but there can be many stations broadcasting in your area, and you have no way of “tuning in” without a receiver. It may well be for some gainers, they always had the “radio” (the ability to receive) but it was tuned to the wrong station, so they never got a strong signal. Then something changed (for example, they left home) and suddenly they got the signal loud and strong. The point is they were always “primed” to be gainers, but needed a supportive environment. In the Bible, at one point Jesus shares the parable of the seeds—some fall upon stony ground, and others fall upon fertile ground.

If this theory is true, then it's likely you and a lot of other guys were not only “born gay” but also born with a “gainer orientation.” Outside exposure and experience didn't “make you gay,” and didn't “make you a gainer.” I would go back and suggest while from the outside, you might have perceived someone go from one piece of leather apparel to becoming a big old leather daddy, or a leather boy—that individual may not make that connection. Instead they might describe themselves as having always had a “leather mindset,” but needed a supportive environment to manifest their inner self to their fullest potential.

Finally—let's get back to your question of how we “program” our responses. I'm again frustrated at the research I can use as reference is based on pathology. A patient has a paraphilia, and how do we “fix” that? I have always tried to separate gainers from people with paraphilia because by definition, someone with a paraphilia has no direct connection with another human being. They are incapable of sustaining a “standard” relationship. For example, a very common one is called in the lay community a “shoe fetish.” A guy (and it's almost always a male—females tend to have a much lower rate of paraphilias than males) may steal a woman's shoe and masturbate with it. He wants no association with the woman—just with her shoe.

It is statistically likely there are a small number of gainers who have a fat paraphilia, where they don't want or need a partner, and are unable to establish a relationship.

But for the vast majority of gainers, if this is indeed a type of sexual orientation, they are not only capable of forming a healthy relationship—they want one. But if this is indeed a sexual orientation, they may choose partners where having an erotic connection is difficult if not impossible, just like a gay man dating a woman. They can form close emotional relationships, but the sexual component just isn't there.

With a paraphilia, people can become “more efficient” in an erotic process. The mechanism of how this is done is similar to the way you have described playing a video in your mind—the more you do it, the faster it lets you get off. But since you've brought up neurotransmitters, there is a certain limitation in terms of how long you can keep doing this and keep getting the same “pay off.” In medication/drugs this is called “habituation,” where to get the same “high,” you need to increase the frequency, or intensity, just as someone used to getting high with one hit of pot may need to eventually have more to get the same high.

In other words, by the time you read this response, you may no longer be running the particular video through your head on a daily basis, but you may have replaced it with a new one. Six months, or a year from now, if you stumble across the video again, it may spark a much stronger reaction than it did the last time you used when, when you had managed to sort of “wear it out.” There seems to be a certain natural limitation in terms of “obsessing” on an erotic charge. This is also something couples frequently experience, where they get locked into a constant routine and their sexual excitement and expression “gets dull” and they can benefit from sex therapy to get “the old magic” back. This frequently involves changing one or more element of their experience. This might include having sex at a different time of day, or in a different location. If you're masturbating it might also involve using your other hand or a different type of lube.

Finally—this is also moving away from a strict “cause and effect” relationship, where the encounter with your “husky high school guy” made you an encourager. In this model, you were born with a gainer orientation just as you were born gay. The encounter with the high school guy was when everything “came on-line” so you became more fully aware of your “sexual orientation as a gainer” at that particular point in time. It would be interesting if at that point in time, you had “accidentally” gained weight, and found that to be erotic. Would you then have “tipped over” into an actual gainer instead of becoming an encourager? I don't have an answer for this. Based on comments from a lot of gainers, they were aware of the desire to be fat before they were able to gain, just as a lot of adult gay and lesbians “knew” they were gay or lesbian before they had the vocabulary to describe their identity.

But there also seem to be a certain number of college age guys who hadn't really thought about gaining, altered their food intake and level of exercise because of unlimited access to the food hall and giving up sports—plumped up, and found it erotic and decided they wanted to keep fattening up. Maybe this group is the equivalent of “bisexuals,” where it's still an orientation, but perhaps could be described as “more flexible” in terms of being in a relationship. There may be guys who never really thought about gaining, but ended up in a relationship with someone like you and in that supportive environment, found gaining to be erotic.

Let me close by mentioning I have encountered individuals who tried gaining in order to please an encourager or because as you described it, for the first time got a lot of positive encouragement and attention from members of the gainer community. In my personal experience, most, if not all of these people were ultimately unhappy with their body and frequently ended up angry at the gaining community and blamed others for “making them fat.” If you work with the model of gaining as a type of sexual orientation, this makes perfect sense. This would have been like “reparative therapy,” where a non-gainer was placed into a relationship with someone who had the sexual orientation of a gainer—just like a gay man who entered a relationship with a female partner. He can go through the steps of imitating someone with a different orientation—but he can't force himself to become straight—or a gainer.

From the Fat Frontline

Here's something a lot of you may find useful--a gainer's take on his reality and here's where you can follow him: http://vangain.tumblr.com/:

A guide to coming out of the FA closet and becoming comfortable with yourself

I’d like to clarify before you read this that I don’t claim to be a narcissistic expert of all things fat, merely just somebody who want’s to help people by giving advice and sharing experiences of dealing with life as an FA. This isn’t just a one-way thing, I want to hear from you guys as well.  This might be a long post, so brace yourselves.

Being an FA is tough in a society than glamourizes being thin but don’t let that get you down, it’s super fun once you fully embrace it. This lifestyle can be challenging one, especially in your adolescence, but remember ‘THIS IS WHO YOU ARE!’ Liking something that isn’t exactly a societal norm can leave you feeling alienated from friends and family. Some people are blessed with the confidence to go out there and radiate themselves by not being ashamed of being an FA, but for others this is not an option. The fear of being rejected by loved ones is ever present, so your lustful FA feelings are repressed.

If you identify with anything you just read then welcome to coming out of the closet 101.

First off, It’s so awesome that you’re an FA! Lets face it, who wants to cuddle next to a skeletor when you could be with a BBW. You’ve already done the hardest part of coming out of the closet, which is realizing you’re an FA. Sounds simple but some people have no idea what they like.

Although sometimes it may feel like your bursting at the seams with FA pride and want to shout it out from the rooftops in a sort of coming out style parade, pause and take a breath. It may seem that being FA is a big part of your life (and it is) but it is also a PART. It does not define everything about you and it is important to remember this. 

Now we know that we like big girls and we’re feeling pumped about it, it’s time to get comfortable with it.

The hardest aspect of coming out of the closet is dealing with the fear of rejection. I grew up in a health conscious family, where being overweight was stigmatized. I was scared of expressing my feelings about being an FA in fear that I would be rejected. It wasn’t until my early twenties that I finally plucked up the courage to come out.  I wish I hadn’t of left it so late but I wasn’t comfortable enough with myself at the time. 

If you’re not ready to actively start dating BBW’s or to tell somebody about your preference, then I want to help you become comfortable enough with yourself to do so.  Finding websites such as Fantasy Feeder or this blog (shameless self promotion) really helped me understand that all my insecurities were unnecessary.  These websites may seem daunting at first, but I encourage you to sign up and just lurk until to feel like being part of the online community. I did not have any accepting friends that I felt I could talk to, so these websites were my saving grace. If you have somebody that you can feel like you can talk to about this stuff then do it. It will only build your confidence.

I began to understand myself better but over the years I still felt frustrated with staring at a computer screen. I came to a realization that I needed to embrace my preference in reality and not hide behind the safety blanket of the Internet. This realization can take a long time to manifest so I urge you to take this as your realization and skip the whole wasting time part. I just found repressing my desires was not working for me any more.

Being comfortable with yourself is a journey and it’s not going to happen over night. You need to work at it. I am slightly summarizing some parts of this guide as I’m sure you’re probably getting bored of reading a massive chunk of text.

When I felt comfortable enough with my FA side, I decided it was time to put what I had learnt into effect.  I attended a meet up from Fantasy Feeder and was so refreshed to actually meet people in real life. I was amazed at how easy it was to talk to people about my feelings without feeling like I was being judged. One tip for attending meet ups; even though you maybe be super excited, do not go to it early as it only makes your nerves worse when you’re sat there on your own for twenty minutes beforehand. 

The next step for me was deciding to tell my parents. I’m not going to lie, you will be bricking it! I was fucking terrified when I did this. There are two ways you can do this. The subtle way and the direct way. You can either start dating BBW’s and everyone will realize that you’re an FA or you can take the announcement route. I felt up for a challenge so I went to the direct approach.

You need to decide what option will be best for you. I feel that you should decide by identifying what type of person you will be coming out to.  If the person/people is open-minded I recommend the subtle route because you might as well go out there and get stuck into the dating world. If you feel like the person/people are not so open minded I recommend the announcement route. That way you can have a discussion with them if they have any questions.

It’s a scary thing to do but lighten the mood beforehand with some engaging conversation. This will help as it will make everybody more receptive when you drop the bomb. The way I did it went as followed;

Scene – a summer afternoon around at a casual family dinner

Me - I feel like there is something I need to tell you.

Parents – Your not coming out gay are you?

Me – No, I am coming out about liking fat women though. I was always ashamed about it but now I finally feel comfortable with my preference and myself.

Parents – How big are we talking?

Me – Not the immobile type

Parents – Oh, that’s fine then

THAT WAS IT!!!! After all these years of being ashamed and frightened to admit it to somebody, they didn’t even bat and eyelid. I was left feeling deflated but ecstatic knowing that all my worries and insecurities were for nothing. I have no idea why I felt that my family and friends would reject me just because I was a little different. It goes to show that the old saying of ‘you are but a supporting actor in somebody else’s movie’ is true. People will accept you for who you are and if not then that’s their problem. If you’re still worried about how your parents will react, I whole-heartedly suggest still telling them. They are your parents, they love you and will accept you for who you are. No, ifs or buts, just pluck up the courage and do it. You don’t want to live a lie and you wont regret it, trust me.

I know this has been quite a long post but I will be happy as long as this helps at least one person. Life out of the closet is so much more exciting. I still don’t go around shouting that I am an FA or that I’m getting fat on purpose but I won’t hesitate to tell somebody if they ask. I still regularly attend FA meet ups and have an awesome girlfriend. Life is sweet and I really hope this post helps people who are going through the same thing that I did.

Did Buzzfeed send you? Here's to the fact "True Love" comes in all sizes.

I just got an email alerting me that Buzzfeed referenced this blogsite in an article on "18 Examples of True Love on the Internet, and a photo from an older post of mine is listed as number two.

If I do get new visitors from Buzzfeed, I only hope people will read through and find acceptance for people who find larger men (and women) to be attractive and desirable, and why, in a society that frequently demeans such individuals, and ridicules those that love them, all people deserve love and respect.  In an American reality where over half the population is overweight, such "true love," is actually becoming the norm.

I've also written gainer fiction that touches on the eroticism involved, but under the pen name, Skye Eagleday.  These are all three Adult Romances, so be aware they are a bit steamy.  In addition, I have a lot more ebooks featuring BBW heroines.  You can find more about those on my Skye Eagleday site: www.SkyeEagleday.blogspot.com:

http://www.amazon.com/Fat-Cupids-Mocha-Latte-ebook/dp/B00B1YE6R2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1374101652&sr=8-1&keywords=fat+cupid%27s+skye+eagleday

http://www.amazon.com/Ballet-Belly-Bottom-ebook/dp/B00B2PD7GQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1374101751&sr=1-1&keywords=ballet+belly+bottom+skye+eagleday

http://www.amazon.com/Ballet-Belly-Bottom-2-ebook/dp/B00B1YWZZM/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1374101820&sr=1-1&keywords=ballet+belly+bottom+2+skye+eagleday'

Feederism History 101

Hello professor, as always your blog is a nice place where I can refresh my mind and learn about this community  now I'm bringing you another question more about our community by itself than me individually.

I know that the taste and admiration for the fat has been around since ancient times,and even if today our community still continues to grow, it has only recently begun to exist as such, then, although there has always been a taste for fat people and gaining weight (which may be  evidenced by history)the gainer community as we know it has a recent onset (or at least I guess), so when do you might consider the birth of the community itself?, when do we stopped just being a few people to form a real community?.

As you can see I'm interested about the community story, but well there is not much info about it!, so I hope you would help me a bit. Thanks for reading and keep doing your best as always who is really appreciated.

Truly yours:

H.

************************

Dear H,

It's very true fat admiration (in men as well as women) has been part of various human cultures throughout history, and it's probably more significant to ask why American and Western European cultures suddenly “switched” from appreciation of well fed people to feel as if “fat/bad” and “thin/good.”

Some believe it's related to the economy, where for most of human history, being larger meant you were more successful, and being big meant you had access to the resources to give you those curves. This was true across the world, and historically, among the Polynesian People, for example, nobility was expected to be very big, and some African traditional people had “fattening” ceremonies because a large man or woman fit their ideal of beauty.

Biologically speaking, the higher the body fat percentage of a female, the sooner she enters puberty, which is why in the United States, for example, we're seeing girls as young as ten years of age starting puberty. On the other hand, in communities where food is scarce and females have a very low body fat percentage, their puberty is “arrested” and won't happen until their late teens. We also see in certain female athletes (say long distance runners or competitive bodybuilders), when they maintain a body fat percentage under 7%, their menstrual cycles are irregular, and they will have a problem becoming pregnant. Just so, there is most likely a evolutionary imperative to have more fat than less.

Part of the current emphasis on being thin may be directly tied to the “Youth Culture,” where a great deal of money and medical science will focus on how to keep someone looking as young as possible for as long as possible, and being thin or lean is associated with being an adolescent or young adult. Also, especially in the United States, poor people tend to have a higher rate of obesity, so now many people associate fat with being poor, and lean with being rich enough to afford a personal trainer and chef.

When I was teaching at the Kinsey Institute, there was a very interesting collection of erotic art in many different forms, and the art from the late 1800s and before that will often show very rounded women, and men who definitely don't look like men you'd see on the cover of today's fitness magazines. 

First of all, people may have an interest in a particular “kink,” but historically will have a problem connecting with others who have a similar “kink,” particularly if it has a stigma attached to it. Also, up until around World War 2, at least in the United States, most people stayed in the area where they were born. That also limited exposure to others who might share the “kink,” or their sexual orientation. A popular British comedian has a routine about being “the only gay in the village.”

But by the mid-1940s-early 1950s, we see a major population shift from rural (agricultural) communities to urban (manufacturing) ones. Because of the War, a young man who might have never traveled 20 miles away from his home town in rural America, surrounded by corn fields, enters the army, get sent to a training center and was then shipped out to a war zone.

For many military men, their first sexual experience was either with another male in his platoon, for example, or with a prostitute (female or male) in a foreign port of call when they had some time off. When the War was over, many of these men returned to the United States, but didn't go “home,” but often stayed in the cities where they received training or shipped out. This might be, for example, San Francisco, San Diego, or New York City. These cities (and others) often became the birth sites of gay communities. It's a little more complicated, where, particularly in San Francisco, it was rather “wild” in the 1800s because of men on their own participating in the Gold Rush, and many “boom towns” immediately set up houses of prostitution because men wanted sex, they had money, and at the time, there was little law enforcement  The bottom line—you end up with what we call a “perfect storm,” of horny men, little supervision, and ample opportunity for sexual exploration.

If you were in your little hometown where everyone knows everyone else, you always know someone is watching you and people will gossip about you. But large cities mean you can be anonymous. For many, they won't even know the names of their closest neighbors. This encouraged gay communities (and neighborhoods) at a time when being gay was illegal.

How did people find each other? Gay bars, bathhouses, and what later became known as “personal ads.” As printing costs went down, people also used newsletters and self-printed magazines to make contact with others. In some cases, these were simple xerox copied (or mimeographs—a sort of very cheap printer) “magazines.”

In 1969, an organization was formed for the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA), which wasn't intended to deal with “fat kinks,” but that was an unintended consequence. A special interest group split off focusing on what later became known as BBW (Big Beautiful Women) and a number of magazines featuring them were published that would often be found in “Adult Book Stores.” 

Similar magazines (and again, many of these began as very amateur (which, btw, the original meaning of “amateur” has the root word of “love,” so while now it often has a derogatory meaning, it used to mean someone was doing something because he or she loved doing it, and not because it was an occupation.) featuring fat men also started being published to meet the needs of gay and bisexual men. There were also specialized gainer newsletters, most coming out in the 1980s. One of the first “slick” or “high gloss” magazines (these are “trade terms that refer to the paper stock used on the cover, where it costs more and looked like professional magazines you'd see, like say, Cosmopolitan or GQ these days. That was Bear magazine,and it was first published in 1987.

Remember, this was before the Internet was easily accessible to the general population. Organizations formed like Girth and Mirth Clubs in the 1970s that brought together large men and their admirers. Organizations like this started in other countries as well, and there are regular conferences, where such clubs or organizations meet together. One of these is called “Convergence” and the 2013 event will be in New Orleans: http://www.convergence2013.com/event/seminars.aspx

When the Internet became more popular, people interested in various “kinks” found each other through “newsgroups” designated as “alt.sex.” There were also something in those days called “Message Boards” that allowed people to connect via the Internet, but that was to really provide telephone contact between those with similar interest. One of the first specifically for gay gainers, for example, was the “Waka Waka” message board in Seattle, Washington. 

As the Internet became even more accessible, several sites “evolved” from the alt.sex groups into some sites that are no longer available (such as Gainerweb, or Gainrweb), and those like Bellybuilders.com, and BiggerCity.com, that are still very active. These begat newer ones, such as Beefyfrat.com, and now Grommr and Grommr's new “sibling site” with more of an emphasis on chasers as well as “the chased.”

Parallel to this have been sites primarily focused on BBW, which have in some cases, as with Fantasyfeeder.com, become more gay/bisexual friendly. Just in terms of sheer numbers, because there are more straight men than gay ones, BBW sites may be more financially supported because there are more straight men looking for women than there are gay men looking for other men.

And finally, this is also something I feel important to history. Remember we see that one of the first “professional” magazines for men who liked their men big—was Bear magazine in 1987. Do you know what else was a focus of the gay community at that time? AIDS. Do you know what AIDS was often called in Africa? “The Skinny Disease.” One characteristic of the disease was “wasting syndrome,” where back in the days before our current medical treatments changed HIV from a terminal disease to a “manageable one,” the way, say diabetes, is a “chronic and manageable  disease," it was easy to walk down the street in San Francisco and immediately identify someone who had AIDS, at least in the later stages.

This led to a (false, btw) assumption that if you weren't skinny, you didn't have HIV. This coincides with the “growth” of the Bear culture, which while not the same as the gaining community, obviously has a lot of overlap. One of the treatments for AIDS at that time was a doctor prescribing steroids to prevent the loss of muscle mass.

As a result, you can see two responses to “The Skinny Disease”: being fat (in those days, doctors would recommend to their “normal” sized patients to gain at least 15 or more pounds while they had no symptoms, because when they did get sick, their body would have more resources to “fight off” the opportunistic diseases that came with AIDS. In other words, guys who had been told by the gay culture at the time “We value someone with a 29 inch waist,” were told by their doctors, “A 29 inch waist means if you do get sick, you'll be more likely to die than if you are carrying extra weight.” Many of the AIDS related publications and brochures at that time actually carried recipes to help patients get fat(ter).

The other response was to get muscular, and many men who had never been really muscular, found that the steroids they had been prescribed allowed them to obtain bodies that, well, could only usually be obtained from the use of steroids.

On a related topic, if you look back at gay related ads as well as in straight publications before the 1980s, the “desired” image of a male was not a guy who spent time in the gym at all, but was fairly lean. Here are two men from 1960s ad, and one from the movie “Making Of A Male Model” from the 1970s.

After Stonewall, the early 1970s image of gay men switched from a focus on very thin and somewhat femme men to a much more stereotypical “masculine” one, often inspired by the artist, Tom of Finland, so you get what was derogatorily called the “gay clone” that usually included a large mustache and a sort of lumberjack look or like the Leatherman, from a popular gay music group known as the Village People. The steroid treatments allowed a lot of AIDS patients to achieve this look, at least for a certain amount of time.

A lot of the men you and many others admire, often reflect these “unusual roots” of the rebellion against the “femme” stereotypes before Stonewall and gay rights, by the embracing of a more hairy/”masculine” look, and an attempt to avoid looking like you had “The Skinny Disease” by carrying extra weight, or striving for a very muscular body.

And that brings us up to current times, where obesity rates are increasing across the population groups, gay or straight. That makes a bigger belly more of a "norm," where a lot  of people don't necessarily feel as much pressure to strive for the old 29 inch waist.  The Internet can instantly connect people with similar interests on a global level. For example, in the 1950s, you would have to work very hard to find someone with an erotic interest in gaining—such folks were out there—but they would be difficult to locate, especially if you lived in a rural (and homophobic) area. These days, I enter “Chubby Chaser” into Google, and in .19 seconds, I have 795,000 hits. You can locate guys who don't want to gain, but just want to bloat, or people who are “just” encouragers  or are specifically “chubs for chubs.” Again—it wasn't that people with these interests didn't exist before you were born. But we now live in a world where individuals with a specific kink are much easier to find. And finally, the Internet provides a certain level of “protection,” where if you find someone with a matching kink, and they end up not being someone you find of interest outside of the kink—another person is just a click away. Gay bars, by the way, are now declining in numbers because while in the “old days,” they were basically “community centers” and a safe place for gay and bisexual men to meet—many younger men have never even been to a gay bar, because the Internet, or a Grommr meet satisfies their needs.

And they all lived happily ever after. (Which is how I think most histories should end.)

Hot Summer--Hotter Erotica sale (and a free gainer fiction for all visitors to my blog)

OK--as many of you know, I also write erotica and adult romance under my pen name of Skye Eagleday.  I am also one of the only people in the field who publishes professionally about well bellied guys and gaining, although a lot of people write about BBW (including me--BBW titles are among my best sellers, especially if a cowboy or a werewolf or two are involved). My other two gainer titles are Ballet Belly Bottom 2, and Fat Cupid's Mocha Latte.  I've put all three stories into a collection called Belly Up! A Collection of Chubby Chaser Sex, which can be found on B&N: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/chubby-chaser-sex-belly-up-skye-eagleday/1115426387?ean=2940015947687&isbn=2940015947687

To celebrate the 4th of July holiday, a group of us have banded together to offer a special event--Hot Summer--Hotter Erotica.  Authors have put a number of their works on sale at $.99 until the 5th of July, at which point the books will go back to full price.  I'm also throwing in a coupon you can use to get a free copy of one of my favorite ebooks--Ballet Belly Bottom.  Here's the info you'll need and it will be good until August 1, 2013: Coupon Code: BB29P
Expires: August 1, 2013  (The code is not case sensitive.) Here's the link to the ebook where you can use the coupon: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/272532

Meanwhile, here's the information about the Hot Summer--Hotter Erotica Event:

Hot Summer, Hotter Erotica Sale PLUS Giveaway!

July 1, 2013

Want some steamy erotica and the chance to win a $50 Amazon gift card?

We have some of the best erotica authors offering their stories for no more than 99 cents. Take a look at our sales below and pick up any of the sexy stories that take your fancy. If you'd like to help us spread the word, feel free to use the button below or this poster on any social media websites. (Enter the drawing by going to my friend's website: http://daliadaudelin.com/blog)

Dalia Daudelin

Twitter  / Amazon

Interracial, Sleep Sex, Billionaire:

 Sleepy, Slutty Babysitter

Dildo Bike, Exhibitionism, Public Sex:

 A Taboo Ride

BBW, Billionaire, BDSM, Impregnation:

 My Billionaire Savior

Skye Eagleday

Blog  / Amazon

Sleep Sex, Virgin, Breeding:

 Loved By The Cowboy

BBW, Werewolf, Masturbation:

 Bree: Wolf Run BBW Supernatural Adult Romance

Pseudo Incest, Dubious Consent, Virgin:

 Grab Her Halo Sister Bride (Brother Loving)

William Cooper

Blog / Facebook / Smashwords 

M/M, Gay, Brocest, Incest:

 Behind the Glory Hole

C. R. Alvery

Blog / Twitter / Amazon 

Gay, Virgin, Military:

 Barracks Pounding (military, charity, gay erotica, gay, first time)

Dora Livingston

Twitter /  Amazon 

BDSM, Spanking, Redhead: 

Lunch Hour Seduction (An Erotic Lunch for Two)

BDSM, Spanking, Handcuffs, Outdoor:

Backcountry Bondage (Handcuffs, Aspen Switch Give a Spanking Good BDSM Romp)

Billionaire, BDSM, Exhibitionism, Anal: 

Evelyn Seduces Her Boss (Billionaire Boyfriend, BDSM, Exhibitionism, and More) 

U. R. Knickers

Amazon 

Dubious Consent, BDSM, Edge Play: 

Demon Sex Doll: One (Dubcon, BDSM, Demon, Edge play) 

Dubious Consent, Pseudo Incest, Drugging: 

Taking My Little Sister's Virgin Ass (Drugging, Taboo, PI) 

Dubious Consent, Lesbian, Straight Sex, Gay Sex:

The Perverted Forest 

Angel Starr

Amazon 

Reluctant, Gay, Viking, BDSM:

Slave to the Viking (Gay Viking Erotic Romance)

Reluctant, Lactation Fetish, Humiliation:

Milk Money 1: Auctioned Off 

Made to Be Milked 

Ellen Dominick

Website / Twitter / Facebook / Amazon 

Lesbians, virgins: 

Chikan: Taken in Public on the Morning Train 

 Best Friends Forever: A Virgin Lesbian First Time Experience

Monsters, tentacles:

The Tentacle and I 

Pandora Box

Website / Twitter / Amazon 

Incest, Exhibitionism, Spanking:

Jenny Fucks Her Father (Incest Taboo/Virgin Sex) 

Kendra Blossom

Amazon 

Lactation:

Service #1 (Milked by the State) 

Kitty Velvet

Amazon 

Lactation:

Milking Honey 

Udderly Horny 

Werewolf, Erotic Romance:

Mating The Lone Wolf (Werewolf Erotic Romance Fantasy)

Vivian Wood

Blog / Twitter / Amazon 

Paranormal Romance, Shapeshifting:

Shifter In Ascent (Louisiana Shifters Book One) 

Promise To Howl (Louisiana Promises)

Don't have a toy to use with these great stories?

How would you like a $50 Amazon gift card? You could use it to buy a vibrator, some butt plugs, or maybe some kinky bed restraints!

Remember you just have until the 4th of July when the books go back to full price! Except my Ballet Belly Bottom, which is yours for free until August 1, 2013, because hey--I like to give you guys a lot of extra helpings :)