A guide to coming out of the FA closet and becoming comfortable with yourself
I’d like to clarify before you read this that I don’t claim to be a narcissistic expert of all things fat, merely just somebody who want’s to help people by giving advice and sharing experiences of dealing with life as an FA. This isn’t just a one-way thing, I want to hear from you guys as well. This might be a long post, so brace yourselves.
Being an FA is tough in a society than glamourizes being thin but don’t let that get you down, it’s super fun once you fully embrace it. This lifestyle can be challenging one, especially in your adolescence, but remember ‘THIS IS WHO YOU ARE!’ Liking something that isn’t exactly a societal norm can leave you feeling alienated from friends and family. Some people are blessed with the confidence to go out there and radiate themselves by not being ashamed of being an FA, but for others this is not an option. The fear of being rejected by loved ones is ever present, so your lustful FA feelings are repressed.
If you identify with anything you just read then welcome to coming out of the closet 101.
First off, It’s so awesome that you’re an FA! Lets face it, who wants to cuddle next to a skeletor when you could be with a BBW. You’ve already done the hardest part of coming out of the closet, which is realizing you’re an FA. Sounds simple but some people have no idea what they like.
Although sometimes it may feel like your bursting at the seams with FA pride and want to shout it out from the rooftops in a sort of coming out style parade, pause and take a breath. It may seem that being FA is a big part of your life (and it is) but it is also a PART. It does not define everything about you and it is important to remember this.
Now we know that we like big girls and we’re feeling pumped about it, it’s time to get comfortable with it.
The hardest aspect of coming out of the closet is dealing with the fear of rejection. I grew up in a health conscious family, where being overweight was stigmatized. I was scared of expressing my feelings about being an FA in fear that I would be rejected. It wasn’t until my early twenties that I finally plucked up the courage to come out. I wish I hadn’t of left it so late but I wasn’t comfortable enough with myself at the time.
If you’re not ready to actively start dating BBW’s or to tell somebody about your preference, then I want to help you become comfortable enough with yourself to do so. Finding websites such as Fantasy Feeder or this blog (shameless self promotion) really helped me understand that all my insecurities were unnecessary. These websites may seem daunting at first, but I encourage you to sign up and just lurk until to feel like being part of the online community. I did not have any accepting friends that I felt I could talk to, so these websites were my saving grace. If you have somebody that you can feel like you can talk to about this stuff then do it. It will only build your confidence.
I began to understand myself better but over the years I still felt frustrated with staring at a computer screen. I came to a realization that I needed to embrace my preference in reality and not hide behind the safety blanket of the Internet. This realization can take a long time to manifest so I urge you to take this as your realization and skip the whole wasting time part. I just found repressing my desires was not working for me any more.
Being comfortable with yourself is a journey and it’s not going to happen over night. You need to work at it. I am slightly summarizing some parts of this guide as I’m sure you’re probably getting bored of reading a massive chunk of text.
When I felt comfortable enough with my FA side, I decided it was time to put what I had learnt into effect. I attended a meet up from Fantasy Feeder and was so refreshed to actually meet people in real life. I was amazed at how easy it was to talk to people about my feelings without feeling like I was being judged. One tip for attending meet ups; even though you maybe be super excited, do not go to it early as it only makes your nerves worse when you’re sat there on your own for twenty minutes beforehand.
The next step for me was deciding to tell my parents. I’m not going to lie, you will be bricking it! I was fucking terrified when I did this. There are two ways you can do this. The subtle way and the direct way. You can either start dating BBW’s and everyone will realize that you’re an FA or you can take the announcement route. I felt up for a challenge so I went to the direct approach.
You need to decide what option will be best for you. I feel that you should decide by identifying what type of person you will be coming out to. If the person/people is open-minded I recommend the subtle route because you might as well go out there and get stuck into the dating world. If you feel like the person/people are not so open minded I recommend the announcement route. That way you can have a discussion with them if they have any questions.
It’s a scary thing to do but lighten the mood beforehand with some engaging conversation. This will help as it will make everybody more receptive when you drop the bomb. The way I did it went as followed;
Scene – a summer afternoon around at a casual family dinner
Me - I feel like there is something I need to tell you.
Parents – Your not coming out gay are you?
Me – No, I am coming out about liking fat women though. I was always ashamed about it but now I finally feel comfortable with my preference and myself.
Parents – How big are we talking?
Me – Not the immobile type
Parents – Oh, that’s fine then
THAT WAS IT!!!! After all these years of being ashamed and frightened to admit it to somebody, they didn’t even bat and eyelid. I was left feeling deflated but ecstatic knowing that all my worries and insecurities were for nothing. I have no idea why I felt that my family and friends would reject me just because I was a little different. It goes to show that the old saying of ‘you are but a supporting actor in somebody else’s movie’ is true. People will accept you for who you are and if not then that’s their problem. If you’re still worried about how your parents will react, I whole-heartedly suggest still telling them. They are your parents, they love you and will accept you for who you are. No, ifs or buts, just pluck up the courage and do it. You don’t want to live a lie and you wont regret it, trust me.
I know this has been quite a long post but I will be happy as long as this helps at least one person. Life out of the closet is so much more exciting. I still don’t go around shouting that I am an FA or that I’m getting fat on purpose but I won’t hesitate to tell somebody if they ask. I still regularly attend FA meet ups and have an awesome girlfriend. Life is sweet and I really hope this post helps people who are going through the same thing that I did.
