Can Straight Men Be Sexually Attracted By Growing Guys ?

 I have a friend, a 50 years old. He's like a daddy for me. He likes seeing me growing and fattening. When I visit him after a long time, he's always amazed by my belly. He can tell me if I became more huge since my last visit (he sells jeans wear for men).
Since a few months, I'm a bit disappointed because sometimes, I have that impression that he doesn't look only at my belly, but at the bulge of my pants too ! And sometimes, when we walked together in the street, he put his hand quickly on that bulge as it was unvoluntary.
I would have thought that is really unvoluntary if I didn't have this persistent feeling that he's attracted by my dick.
I know this man is straight and he's married. And he's an awesome chubby guy too.


I think actually that fat belly growing increases sex-appeal and can make a straight man being attracted by you if you have already some close and virile friendship with him.


But not sure it would be a good idea to pass from a friendly relation to a sexual relation with him, if such my opinion was true.


...he showed me always that appearance of a straight guy since I know him. I had that vision of him since years and I never thought that he could be other than the one that I had imagined myself.


It's maybe the reason why I'm feeling a bit surprised and I ask to myself which kind of relation we can have together now.

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The more important question to ask is one I suspect you've been thinking about--what sort of relationship DO you want with the gentleman?

I don't get any sense that you are overly offended by his attention, and a lot of sense that you've enjoyed his approval over an extended period of time.

I don't know your age, but as a sex researcher and family therapist, I find it's not at all unusual for a younger gay man to really appreciate the attentions of a "Daddy" (to use your term) who provides a lot of the approval that might not have come from his biological father, particularly if the biological father was homophobic.

The challenge for the "adoptive Daddy" is an appropriate boundary line.  If both are comfortable with a sexual expression, then that's great--a real "win/win" situation. 

The problem is if one wants to push for a sexual expression and the other isn't comfortable with it.  In other words, if that's not what you want, then for him to push a sexual agenda would be exploitive.  Older men (in general--certainly there are exceptions) are often in more of a "power" position in the sense of experience, financial stability, self confidence, and other qualities that many "boys" find attractive, because they would like to have that level of "power" as well.   For some boys, that admiration doesn't include sex.

Some "boys" may be ok with the idea of expanding the relationship to include sex, but hesitate for other reasons.  For example, going by your original post, this may be a sort of "Uncle/Aunt" experience...they may not be related by blood, but are what are called in anthropology "fictive kin," in which case "fooling around" with him would feel like "cheating" on the wife/"aunt."  That can potentially get messy if the wife begins to suspect the two of you are no longer "just friends."

Along that line...it would not be unusual in situations like this for him to have more "boys" in his life (or past) that you aren't aware of, but his wife is.  This is the truth of a LOT of marriages (remember, I'm a Family Therapist specializing in couples, so I'm speaking from experience)--where there's frequently a "shadow partner" (mistress, trick, affair) for the husband (or for that matter, the wife).  The wife is often complicit with this, for a number of reasons.  For example, maybe she had been sexually abused, and chose a partner who doesn't push her for sex, and is relieved when he goes "somewhere else" to satisfy himself.  She may also be unhappy he's having other sexual partners, but stays in the relationship for reasons other than sex--financial security, appearances, religious reasons, "for the sake of the children," etc.

I'm also assuming he knows you're gay, in which cases a lot of older (over 50) guys make an assumption all young gays are available for a grope or grab.  I know this is hard to understand for someone who grew up with the internet, but for a lot of older guys who like to engage sexually with other guys (whether they self-identify as bi, gay, or straight themselves), they grew up when that was not only illegal, but you never knew when you'd ever run across a guy with the same interests, so when you found one, there was no question that you'd have sex with each other.

On a personal disclosure level, this was a great shock to me, as well as an older friend I knew from lecturing at his university over the years.  When he offered to drive me to my next lecture (at another university) and we had to spend the night in a hotel, I didn't know he expected us to have sex, and he later told me it was a learning experience for him to discover that wasn't my intention.  He lived in a very rural area, where the only other gay man he had discovered on various internet searches was over 100 miles away.  This is relevant because he had been married for over 20 years and had a couple of children.  The wife had married him knowing he preferred men.  He managed for some time by regularly attending Body Electric (an erotic workshop, originally designed for gay and bi men) functions in the nearest large city to him, where he knew he'd get his sexual needs met, and then he could be celibate until the next workshop.  He eventually chose to divorce his wife and he's now living in Canada with his husband.

An American Indian friend of mine has an arrangement with his wife where periodically he leaves the reservation in Montana and spends a weekend in Seattle with the express purpose of having sex with men.

One of my cousins in New Mexico had sex with other men while married to his wife.  She found out when he thought he had been exposed to HIV and told her she needed to get tested as well.  Fortunately they were both negative, but she ended up hospitalized with depression...in other words; she didn't handle it very well.  They're now divorced and he's in a long term relationship with another guy.  She made some really close friendships within the gay community after joining some support groups for people in similar situations--gay men married to women.  They have two adopted children, which I suspect reflects a situation I described earlier...where she wasn't looking for a sexual relationship in their marriage, and he wasn't seeking one with a woman.

And who knows?  Others have immediately jumped to the conclusion most guys are not "completely straight" and lumped this guy into that category.  One of the things I'm always investigating as a Family Therapist is "family history."  We all have "Lovemaps" (your erotic "landscape"--what turns you on--which in your case, I suspect includes having a well bellied partner).  If he's known you for some time, it's quite possible you "grew" into his Lovemap.  Does that make sense?  You sometimes see this in movie plots or novels, where the "hero" suddenly realizes "the little girl" in his life has blossomed into a desirable woman he then romances.  Perhaps he has enjoyed your company for a long time, but when you were younger and thinner, you didn't "trigger" an erotic response for him.  Perhaps now you do.

So--this comes back to figuring out what it is you want.  Here's something I also hear a lot in the gay community--"Sex is easy to find...intimacy is not."  In other words, a lot of gay guys who have "been around the block" a lot, will value a friendship so much, they don't want to risk it by adding sex to the mix, since sexual relationships may have a very short lifespan.

I do find with a lot of younger gays, they are more comfortable with the idea of "friends with bonuses," where they don't have this hesitation of sometimes having sex with friends.

You also don't indicate how frequently you see the gentleman--but I get the impression you're not seeing him on say, a weekly basis.  I'm just trying to imagine if you change the nature of your relationship, if this would be a factor.  In other words, if you start seeing him more often, will the wife start to wonder why?  I mentioned earlier that many wives accept the "other" (man/woman), but there are others who have made it very clear to the husband --"NO MORE!" after having discovered him in bed with someone else.  In this case, expanding your relationship to include sex may be something he would desire, but may not act out on it because of the potential negative consequence should his wife find out (again).