What Should I Tell My Friends?

hi i just want to get this of me. i have gaind some weight so now my friends are starting to notice. and it dosent feel so good. but i want to get bigger and i like my body now when i have gaind more weight i feel really good about my body but now when i meet my friends i suck my belly in so i look smaller. should i continue gaining or stop.
seens im to shy to tell my friends that i want to get fat. so stop or gain. what do you think? ,,,i like showing of my fat. when i am in some other city i just walk around loving that peopel are looking at me becuse im fat. but when it comes to the people i know its anoter thing. when they see me i get emberest but when people i dont know see me it feels great. and i feel great being fat. but im nervous of what my friends while think.

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How about this as a practical suggestion?

From your original post, it sounds as if you see telling your friends you want to gain or like being fatter needs to be an attempt to convince them that you are "correct."

Perhaps you can move away from this idea? Obviously from your experience, what you are doing is "correct" for you.

Many people who care (i.e., family/friends)about someone who starts piling on pounds react from the commercial programming they have from television news and ads, which is basically "if you get fat, you will die." (Of course, if you eat only "healthy" things and maintain a 5% body fat...you eventually die as well. Very "fit" people also get hit by buses or fall off a mountain by rock climbing. Monitoring your weight or size doesn't promise you eternal life. It certainly promises you a deprived life.)

Most people on this site have spent in many cases, YEARS coming to terms with gaining and being large. I suspect your friends and family have never given that sort of attention and thought to the matter, so just have a "knee-jerk" (automatic) reaction when they see someone quickly gain, based on the media.

So--

Why not bring up the subject as a fact. In other words, it sounds as if you are fearfully waiting for others to bring up your weight gain and force you to defend yourself or to lose weight to please them. Instead, the next time you're around them, pat a body part (your choice) and say something like: "Oh my goodness, I've put on so much weight, I could barely fit into this. I really enjoy having the freedom to eat what I want and I'm having fun feeling large and in charge. I can hardly wait to have to buy a larger size!" Then laugh. You are being honest. You are letting them know your gaining is no secret and that you're not in denial, and that you're fine with growing even larger.

The only argument a friend can make at this point is to fall back into the "it's not healthy" claptrap. Smile and explain you've had a checkup and your health is great. If they do the "no guy will want to date you if you're fat" stupid comment, then again--don't fight them. Laugh in their face for saying something so ridiculous. Lift one eyebrow and say, "that's not my personal experience. There are a lot of guys out there who believe in 'more cushion for the pushin' and that well fed partners make the best lovers. You know, if you gained 20 pounds, maybe YOU'D have better luck dating..."

Remember—you’re not “fighting” or arguing with anyone…to do so gets into a debate, and you should not have to do that. It’s your body—your rules. If someone comments they find you less attractive with the new weight, again, don’t fight, but laugh in that person’s face and say, “then it’s a good thing I have no interest in dating YOU, isn’t it? Your other focus should be on how now being larger makes YOU feel better about yourself. The bottom line message—you are happy with yourself and where you are in life—and honey, I assure you, most of your friends wish they could say the same about themselves.

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well thank you so mutch everyone . And i tryed what you siad (Professor Fatology) and it worked one of my friends thinks its nice that im gaining and the rest is not so happy about it but i hope they will get used to it and accept it. and all the exampels u made i got to say to but in my way hehe. but thank you so much. now i feel totaly good about it. and it was nice to go around and not pull my belly in today. so thank you all <3

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I am very proud of you

Now--go have a cookie! You've earned it :)

Fit In? Or Bust Out! Meet XJock

The most common question I find asked about gaining and fat admiration is a variation of “Why?”  I’ve certainly tried to answer this a number of times, but I thought I would also share the observations of someone else, and recommend you visit his site— www.xjock.net

XJock is a thirty-something, well, “ex-jock” lol.  He suggests “We need to expand, extend and blow-up our ideas of what's hot.” He goes into a lot of detail about how he wasn’t happy with his stereotypical “hot jock body” and improved it by piling on the pounds.  One caution for those of you who are a bit prudish when it comes to nudity and videos of people having sex, either as a solo act or with a partner.  Xjock is very comfortable in not only sharing images and videos of himself and his boyfriend (who obviously enjoys having more boyfriend to jiggle) and he also puts up videos of others who excite him.  Having written that let me point out his site is not exclusively about sex demonstrations.

Another interesting aspect of Xjock is his enjoyment of what’s often referred to in the Gaining (and BDSM) community as “humiliation.”  I think I’ll do a separate post about this in the future, but I’ll let Xjock describe in his own words why he actively seeks this sort of response.  You can also visit his Youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/xxJock

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XJock’s Manifesto:  FUCKING WITH BINARIES: 

FIT vs. FAT

[This is an excerpt from an e-mail response to a curious inquirer.]

…In terms of “gainer culture” I am unsure where I locate myself, that is, I am merely someone who had a body that was considered “hot” and now has a body that is considered “not (as) hot” by our society’s arbitrary and misinformed standards of beauty. Some guys who participate in this blog might say this is a hypocritical and somewhat dishonest thing to say, since I clearly get a lot of pleasure out of having a bigger, fuller body. However, this pleasure comes not from a desire to be something that I am not, but an enjoyment of what I am (literally- such as rubbing my dick against my belly). I also happen to be an unapologetic narcissist and an exhibitionist which allowed me to collect all these images over time (proof of how our bodies change) and place them in a pseudo-narrative of weight gain. And this narrative that I’ve generated serves two purposes: first (and foremost) to get me off, and second, to force us to question our ideas of what we consider “hot” and “ugly” (regardless of what turns you on or not). I don’t plan to change anything, I just want to fuck with the ideals that we hold on to and shoot a nice load in the process.

I like how gainer culture turns typical beauty standards upside down as it forces us to question what we think of as “natural ideas of beauty and health”. As I grew up with these ideals and eventually was able to have the body that I thought I always wanted, I realized that it didn’t make me as happy as I thought it would (I felt like I was holding on to it for someone else). So instead, I decided to focus on exercise as a way to make me feel good (instead to “make me look like society would want me to look”). It sounds cheesy, but I believe that accepting oneself to the point of getting rid of many insecurities is part of being mentally healthy (much healthier than having a flat stomach, and that’s an understatement).

As for the unique nature of the blog (tease | bully | praise | worship), the dynamic that is generated here through people’s active participation gives me a lot of pleasure (both sexual and intellectual– not that these are separate). It interests me and amuses me that it shocks or confuses most people. On the one hand, I feel like I am self confident enough to take pleasure on what a lot of people fear the most: being bullied or teased because of the way one looks. On the other hand (and on a larger level), I believe that by welcoming and asking for insults, the blog takes the power away from them as it repurposes them for sexual pleasure when normally they are supposed to be an expression of social power and dominance: a way to control others and to put them down (to destroy people’s self esteem).

I can tell you that your instincts are right in that calling this a “fat fetish” is not the best term. Not because it might offend people (it certainly doesn’t offend me) but because culturally speaking, the term fetish, relegates a source of pleasure not only to a minority practice (nothing wrong with that) but most importantly, it takes away the implications of that sexual activity (fetish) for the entire society out of which that minority is from.
Ideas of what is “beautiful” are ideologically charged. That is, these are influenced by a particular society’s beliefs in a whole range of subjects. The idea of the “hot jock” necessitates its counterpart, the “fat ass” or the “skinny wimp/dork/nerd”, just as “good” needs “evil” in order for the binary to be powerful and relevant. I don’t want to get any deeper into this but I must say that these binaries (e.g.: fat vs. thin, jocks vs. dorks) not only serve as a source of inspiration for popular fiction (I’m sure you can think of many books, movies and TV shows) but also affect people’s experiences of growing up (many people have issues with weight, skinny or fat).

XJock’s Manifesto “Take 2”:BE CRUEL TO 

THE CULT OF THE FIT BODY

The cult of the fit body is an unhealthy one at heart masked under the guise of health and well-being. It is about restricting and conforming our bodies to a single mold; if we were all to follow this ideal, we’d all look like mass produced – identical drones, effectively eliminating our character and making it impossible for us to celebrate and get pleasure from difference.

Growing our bodies and/or taking pleasure in seeing other’s grow is an act of erotic transgression and an active worshipping of what society has demonized through pseudo-scientific discourse as “unhealthy”. Finding a balance between our desire to maintain life (health, excersise, diet) and our pleasure in what makes us different should never trump our individuality, and being big does not necessarily mean that all fatties will die of a heart attack. The desire to be big is only related to obesity on the surface. That is, wanting to be big and the desire and pleasure we take in growing cannot be conceived as a form of disease. Rather, the desire to worship and rejoice in what’s big shows our desire to transgress the prison that our bodies have become: to challenge, disrupt and question the norm in regards to what we consider “attractive” or “unattractive”.

We need to wake up and be aware that our impulse to hide our desires and fantasies is an active form of self-repression and censorship.

We need to be aware that taking active pleasure on bigger bodies, something that society continues to demonize, has the potential to blow-up the ideology behind the cult of the fit body and expose it as the prison that it really is. This is why we must be cruel, unapologetic and merciless against the limiting, constricting and disciplnarian nature of our culture’s obsession with “thin”.

And XJock's Interest In Being Teased And Humilated:

A lot of you might think I look hot fat, but sometimes I can’t help but judge myself by the standards I used to hold a few years back: I would be damn right ashamed of myself if I knew back then that I’d be like this now, but I’d also be pretty fucking amazed that I would have the guts to post this and confess that as a fat ass I get off thinking about how my ex jock self would turn me around and pound me hard while treating me like the pathetic fat pig I’ve become. *Sighhh* …any questions as to why I have this blog?  

Bullying and Insults

3 comments

The following two posts and comments are thematically related and have to be one of my all-time favorites. They are creative and they turn me on big-time in describing how I’m in a downward spiral of decadence.

What do you think about all this religious talk, it got me jackin’, maybe some of you can offer some insight as to why we enjoy this so much.

Post #1

Anonymous said…

According to a Vatican study, the most common sins confessed by men are gluttony, sloth and lust. Exhibit A is the attached video by “xjock”, who is so far down the road to decadence and moral self-destruction, that his life is a constant blur of all three of those sins. Notice the flabby belly, pecs and thighs from years of wanton gluttony, the pathetic and slothful imitation of physical exercise, and the inability to resist masturbation for even a few hours at a time. This is truly a lost soul, crying out for God’s mercy (or perhaps he’s merely crying out for another helping or two at the local buffet.)

bgtyu

(seriously, love your vids!)

June 18, 2009 4:03 AM

Post #2

[18:10] boilerunit: Seriously, dude, in some of your older photos, it just looks like you’ve just lost your six pack, but with a little effort you could get it back. But in that video, its completely obvious that its far too late for you now.
[18:13] boilerunit: Congratulations, you have turned yourself into a disgusting fatbody. That nice set of pecs you were so proud of? Well, I’m sure they’re in there somewhere, buried under those chubby man-tits that are almost big enough to hang over that massive, flabby, revolting pile of fat that keeps getting bigger and that you can’t seem to keep your hands off of. (Trust me, you have chubby man-tits, if you don’t believe me, just watch that video again).
[18:13] boilerunit: You know what your problem is lardass? Greed. Pure and simple; you’re a lazy, greedy, selfish pig who can’t help but eat everything in sight and then, even then, wishes that there was more and wants attention. You probably can’t help it anymore, and so you’re becoming a gluttonous fat man who will stuff himself with every fattening thing he sees until he can’t eat any more. The fact that you smoke just shows how little will power you have in the face of your own cravings.
[18:14] boilerunit: Maybe you could hide your greediness for awhile behind that skinny adonis body, satisfied with the adoration of mainstream society. I’ll bet that was nice. Those days are long gone now that you’re letting yourself completely chub out.

Your inherent selfishness is written all over that soft, jiggling body. You can probably feel the results of your face-stuffing indulgences when your flab quivers pathetically with every step you take, and the thing is, it obviously just makes you want more. And if you keep this up, you’ll get more, and soon the whole world will be able to look at you and see what a greedy tub of lard you really are.