Also, not having a very good income being only 14, how would you recommend I go about gaining? I'm not looking for any hugely detailed info if you can't find any, just short tips if that's all.
Thanks J
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First a word to the “general audience”—Younger people are a challenge to a lot of potential support groups, which is why most websites restrict admission and/or membership to individuals who are 18 or older because of both legal concerns but also ethical ones in terms of what it means to mentor someone.
For example, a major change in the “Coming Out” process for the GLBTQ community is how much younger people are when they first come out (And hey-14 year old, I’m not implying anything about your own sexual orientation, since you did not—but I’ll answer your question after I make a broader point). Historically people came out at a much older age—their 20s and sometimes even their 30s (and some people wait until middle-age, if they ever do at all). Now the average age of coming out is around 15.
Part of this is due to the media and the internet. Someone who would have no exposure or access to the GBLTQ world is now only a click away—either on a laptop or clicking on the TV. Historically, one was “initiated” into the GBLTQ community by having a relationship. These days, one can be a “virgin” but still claim a GBLTQ identity.
However, there’s a homophobic stereotype that “Gay people recruit young people,” and in “the old days,” the reasoning of homophobes was that since a same-sex couple can’t “reproduce” the only way they can “make new ones” is to steal “innocent” children away from their heterosexual parents. Of course the reality is, the vast majority of GBLTQ are “produced” by heterosexual parents. Dan Savage, who started the “It Gets Better” campaign talked about how, when a number of teen suicides within the GBLTQ community were discovered, he wanted to work directly with youth, but realized many formal institutions like schools, would not give an openly gay activist permission to speak to students. He chose Youtube because he didn’t have to get permission to speak directly to young people. As I type this, there are lawsuits against a number of school districts for their failure to prevent young people being bullied into suicide, and have actually put into practice “silence” in terms of not allowing certain topics to be discussed within classes.
But this all means there is a sad lack of youth mentorship for a lot of young people, who don’t have a place to go, and are shut out of many internet communities until they hit 18. And look at it this way—4 years (if you’re 14) seems like “forever” because of percentage factors—4 years for a 14 year old means nearly a third of a lifetime. In the gaining “world” there were a number of sites that were specifically focused on young people as a peer support group, like Fat Nat’s. But life moves on, and the lovely FatNat is now an adult and is established on the “regular” gaining sites.
There is, as I mentioned, sometimes criticism on the ethics of answering certain questions, where gaining can potentially lead to health problems. In my personal experience, I am aware of a lot of 14 year olds who want to do extreme skateboarding, and that can result in a lot more severe and immediate threats to health than an expanded waistline. The same is true about sex education—my own ethics tell me when someone asks a question, he or she should be given the most appropriate and accurate information possible, and then that person will be in a better position to choose how to act.
Now—back to the original question.
A) I mentioned that GBLTQ people (and again, I am not implying you are part of that community) are coming out at younger and younger ages—but this is directly connected to the sad reality the number of homeless youth has spiked—because the kids get kicked to the curb by homophobic parents who can’t deal with children who are “different.” Just so, a young person with few economic resources suddenly finds him/herself abandoned and out on the street. The “take away,” from this, is that as a 14 year old you are under a lot of pressure to satisfy your parental units as long as you are completely financially dependent upon them.
B) One of the things you might think about, is taking a part time job that would allow you your own personal source of income to spend on whatever it is you choose to spend it on. Frankly a lot of parents like the idea of someone your age getting part-time work even if they financially don’t need the additional household income. Adults are sold on the idea a young person who is working gains all sorts of useful experiences of “responsibility.” For that reason, it’s a pretty easy “sell” to tell your parents you’d like to get a part time job….do the blah blah blah stuff about how you’re growing up, you want to learn responsibility, and you’d like your own pocket money. Just don’t tell them that part of this is you want extra cash to gain extra pounds. Children older than 12 have usually learned you don’t have to tell your parents every single detail of what you do or why. Then look for jobs in restaurants—fast food places often hire young people, but regular restaurants hire bus boys—the advantage of working in the food industry is that places that sell food often allow employees food as part of their pay, or let employees eat food at the end of the day when it’s unlikely it will be sold. The one flaw to this plan is that some places will only hire someone 16 or older because of child labor laws. But do look into employment opportunities around you—it’s good to have at least some cash to buy things you choose to buy.
- a 3 ounce serving of lean meat, poultry or fish, e.g. 1 medium pork chop, 1 small hamburger, 1/2 of a whole chicken breast, or a small fish fillet provides 21 grams of protein
- a 1/2 cup of cooked beans, 1 ounce of cheese, 1 egg, 2 egg whites, 4 ounces of tofu or 2 tablespoons of peanut butter each provides 7 grams of protein
- one cup of lowfat milk or yogurt provides 8 grams of protein
- one serving of grain products (preferably whole grain) such as a slice of whole wheat bread provides 3 grams of protein (http://www.marathonguide.com/training/articles/Nutrition.cfm)
I hope you can see the challenge of eating 261 grams of protein a day—that’s about five chicken breasts. This is why, after doing the “I’m going to work out and get bigger and stronger,” you ask your parents to buy you some protein powder to make shakes. Speaking from personal experience, it’s a lot easier to drink two protein shakes a day (and if you use milk or ice cream to make them, you’ve simply made a very tasty milkshake) than it is to eat five chicken breasts a day. One word of caution—some protein powders taste a lot better than others. In an ideal world, an actual gym in your area makes and sells protein shakes their members use after a workout. Some nutrition stores do the same thing, which gives you an opportunity to taste one before you invest in buying a container. These protein powders aren’t always cheap, and it’s awful to feel you’ve wasted your money on something you gag on when you try to drink it. Others are quite delicious and you can do variations with fruit and fruit juices. Which simply means you’re adding weight by drinking what is basically a fruit smoothie. You can also ask for advice from a salesperson, or go on line to some bodybuilding sites and ask for taste suggestions there.
C) Take a moment and look at members of your extended family (your aunts, uncles, cousins) and figure out their size. If you have a number of plump or fat people in your extended family, then I suspect your parents have a general perception this is “normal” for your family, and I further suspect the attitude is “members of our family may be skinny as adolescents, but as they get older they get a lot bigger.” If this is true, then you gaining weight is hardly likely to “shock” your family—you’re just doing what the majority of others do. Also look at the size of guys around your age you know or see. The truth is in the United States, a significant number of young men are clinically “overweight,” so again—if you put on some pounds, you’re frankly just being normal, and being “normal” doesn’t usually “shock” family members. Your focus right now is on what an amazing thing it would be for you to be bigger, but in the “big picture” of things, it’s “normal” for you to get bigger. Parents expect 14 year olds to get bigger when they hit 16 or 18. In fact, current research would suggest you won’t really “stop” growing until you hit your adult size which is around the age of 24. This is why I’m also trying to help you put deliberate gaining in the context of “getting bigger and stronger” so your parents will be more supportive of your actions, and more willing to spring for protein powder.
D) You might also look into when you eat as well. A number of people report eating something after their regular evening meal, and before they go to bed helps to increase body weight. Even if you don’t manage to get the protein powder, most households have things like bread, peanut butter, and honey. Before you go to bed, make yourself 2 or 3 peanut butter and honey sandwiches. You can use jelly, jam, or nutrella for variety. But these sandwiches combine protein (peanut butter) carbs (bread) and sugar in a relatively healthy combination—they taste good and are pretty easy to eat. And again—parents everywhere are accustomed to teenage boys eating all times of the day—because teenage boys are “growing boys” and you can’t grow without fuel. The other useful thing about sandwiches like this—the ingredients don’t require refrigeration , so you can keep the stuff to make them in your room and make them and eat them in privacy.
E) Also, start documenting your body changes. Even if you never share these pictures with anyone else, they are very helpful for you in terms of keeping track of your progress. It also puts pressure on you in terms of “It’s Wednesday and I don’t feel like eating any more, but I’m supposed to take my progress photo on Friday. I don’t want to take the picture and see I’ve lost weight, so I’ll go ahead and have that last slice of cake.” Photos are also helpful because over time you may look at them and think, “I’m now 250 pounds, but looking back, I think I looked my very best at 235.” Then you ease up on the food and go back to the size you were happiest with. Also, if you were a very successful gainer and really got big, but in the worst case scenario, you developed a health problem and were told you need to lose weight, the photos would always remind you of how successful you had been at gaining.
F) Finally, look for some support with other young people. Use your internet skills to look for say, Yahoo groups that are specifically for teenagers gaining weight. I would list some, but frankly, a lot of these groups are very active, but as the members age, they often leave and move on to the more “standard” gaining support sites. That means to find the currently active groups, you need to search for them. Or for that matter—you have the ability to create your own group for other teens to join. There are plenty of teen male gainers who are posting on Youtube, and you might correspond with them for tips as well. I would also, based on feedback from way too many people, suggest you learn how to daily erase your browsing history on your computer so snoopy family members don’t start asking you questions you might not want to answer. You might think parents would not think of looking at the browser history, but sometimes you’d be surprised, and you never know when a cousin or a friend might use your computer and get too curious about your private stuff. Believe me, in this case—better safe than sorry.
Best wishes at becoming the man you want to be.
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