How Do I Avoid The Wrong People Seeing Me?

Question: I want to get in to making videos to show off my gaining but I'm very self contious but I really want feed back plus im afrade that the wrong people will see it so in stead of comments like this "great job" I'll get comments like "hey fag y don't u look at abs like norm people you fat fuck" ive been bulled before and it would destroy me do you have any advise?

Answer: First of all, congratulations on the idea of doing something that will make you happy. I wish I could guarantee you would never get any negative comments, but frankly, that’s one of the “payments” one makes for the benefits of self-posting on the World Wide Web. There will always be some people with personal problems who use the anonymous nature of the Internet to try to pee on someone else’s parade. This isn’t about you, or about whatever body, hair color, ethnicity, or gender you have and present. Our Elders back on the Reservation tell us, “When you point your finger at someone, three fingers point back at you."”

 In other words, a lot of people who comment on a youtube channel in a negative way about someone being gay are often struggling with their own sexual orientation and because they are in pain, strike out at a gay or bisexual guy who is happy with his life. Someone who has negative self-image issues around their own body will attack a happy fat person because the happy fat person is living the secret dream of pleasure the angry person tries to shred, to make the happy person as miserable as they are.

I find a number of gainers will post “If you’re not into seeing a sexy big belly, this video is not for you so move on to another youtube channel (or whatever system you’re using). Negative comments will be deleted.” This is what we call in therapy “predicting a crisis.” If what you don’t want to have happen, happens (you get criticism) you’re prepared to deal with it in a positive and constructive way, and if it doesn’t happen—well, that’s a win-win. And don’t hesitate to delete negative comments, and as you do, think of it the way some people feel about swatting a fly—you realize the fly is just being a fly, but it feels good to get it out of your way.

As for not being recognized—here’s the way a lot of people post so no one will recognize them.

A)     Wear a mask.  In fact, own the mask, in the sense it becomes your “secret identity.” Sure, you can pull a ski mask over your head, but think about a long future of videos that show your success at bellybuilding.  What sort of image do you want to project? Look for a mask on-line or at a costume shop (I don’t know where you live, but in Seattle, my old hometown, there are a few open all-year shops that specialize in all sorts of costumes, theatrical make-up, and masks that range from very inexpensive to really fancy and expensive ones. Pick out one you think you’ll feel comfortable wearing each time you upload a new video and that makes a statement about you. There’s the obvious—a piggy mask, but also think about something big and powerful, like an elephant mask.  Or another favorite for a lot of gainers---turn Batman into Fatman by putting his cowl on your head.

B)    Create a screen name that has no connection to your own regular, everyday life, but relates to the mask you’ll be wearing. When you put in identifying information, put in misleading specifics. List your hometown as say, Eagle, Idaho, where there would be little chance that someone in rural Idaho is going to stumble across your vids, and even if he or she does, they’ll think, “This doesn’t look like anyone I know.  I wonder where in town he lives?” This means, that if you’re in Minneapolis, for example, people in the Twin Cities will just think, “Wow—must be a lot of good food in Idaho.” Also add or subtract a few years from your posted age, so anyone who actually does know the “real” you won’t have a clue who you really are.

C)    Notice how the fellow in the photo wearing his mask is sitting on a very distinctive sofa? Listen, if you’re wanting to disguise yourself by wearing a mask, don’t screw it up by then photographing yourself on something that can be easily identified by anyone who has ever been in your home.  Choose a place to do the video in front of something very generic, like a plain white wall. Don’t do them in your bedroom where the viewer can look behind you and see your bed, where your bedspread or sheets can be seen, or a shelf full of your interesting and unique collection of items that can identify you as you.

D)    Another easy alternative—many gainers simply position the camera so you never see their faces. The one risk you have about doing this that I see happens frequently—the gainer will accidently dip his head and bang—you can see his face. They’ll often miss the fact they’ve done this and upload the video, and all the work they’ve done to hide their identity is thrown out the window. Also--if you have a tattoo or a birthmark that gets exposed when you are shirtless, make sure you either cover such identifiable marks up (for example, if you have a tattoo on your upper arm,  consider wearing long-sleeve shirts that you then unbutton to display your sexy success of a belly--or only shoot from an angle that hides what can identify you. For that matter, you can even do the opposite--buy a set of "temporary tattoos" and every time you do a new video, slap on a fake tattoo so if someone who has seen the video runs across you in "real life" they will see "that video can't be him--the guy in the video has a tattoo on his left arm."

E)     Also—consider uploading your videos in very safe places—like Bellybuilders.com, Fantasyfeeder.com, Beefyfrat.com, Grommr.com, where anyone on the site will most likely be a fat admirer or a gainer himself, so the feedback you’ll get will be positive. You don’t have to limit yourself to only one place to post—a channel like youtube or xtube will provide you a much larger potential audience, but the more people who get to see your videos increases the number of crazy angry people who might leave negative comments.

Good luck—and let me know where I can see your first video J