Richard really enjoyed going to Cons where people would dress as their favorite super heroes.
For Richard, that was always the Flash, the fastest man alive!
But he always felt bad about how he could never really fit his costume.
It would always hang off of him.
One time Richard took his young nephew with him, but he thought even the kid looked better in his outfit than Richard did.
Even though he was growing into adulthood, the costume always seemed like
it was growing as well, never giving him a chance to fit it. But the world was changing.
Now that over half of the population was overweight,
being large and in charge had become the norm.
Thin and muscled super hero types started to complain they were discriminated against.
It just didn’t seem fair to Richard. He always felt as if he were too small.
Other people at the Cons always ignored him.
“God, I can’t believe we wasted our time dieting when it’s obvious that fat is the new black.," sighed Jerrod.
"Want a milkshake?”
"Want a milkshake?”
When every Superman started showing up fat, the scales tipped.
Fat wasn’t just preferred—it became required.
“Hey-I’m a robot I can’t get fat!”
Things started changing as people stopped looking like the classic super heroes---
---And started looking a lot healthier.
“At last,” sighed Jabba the Hut, “people are starting to appreciate me for my good looks…”
“I know how much I hated having to stay skinny to be a hero when I was Data!”
Everywhere Richard looked, he felt as if he were the skinniest person in the room.
It was heart breaking for him.
It was heart breaking for him.
“Richard,” said Seth, “I think you should give up your dream of being a superhero
and join us as skinny Goths.”
“The Planning committee has sent me over to tell you that until you put on some serious weight,
you won’t be able to participate in the costume competition.
You’re restricted to Hall stuff, Spidey.”
“It’s so hard,” said Joe, “I’ve been in training for months and
I’ve only gotten the slightest start on a belly.”
“Tell me about it! And we’ve been wearing the fishnet tops so everyone can see every pound
we’ve worked so hard to gain!”
“Yeah, I try to show off what pitiful little gut I got.”
“Don’t you guys listen! I keep telling you scrawny spider trash to get out
unless I see a belly on you!”
“Yeah, I’m in training to get this gut up to code!”
“Just as a suggestion,” John whispered to Richard, “If you wear really loose clothing,
it’s easier to pad yourself to get up to an acceptable size.
You can’t do that in a Flash outfit.”
But Richard soon found out that sometimes they could tell you were padded...
"Oh yeah,” said the guy being interviewed. “Of course I think this whole weight restriction
is unfair! I’d never speak openly about it if I weren’t able to hide my identity.
I don’t want to get roughed up by some heavyweights tonight when I’m out of uniform.
The guys in charge don’t take criticism lightly. But face it—not all of us can be big.”
“You know the rules. Grow up and fit in or stay on the sidelines.
If you want to run with the big dogs,
you gotta BE a big dog, Puppy.”
If you want to run with the big dogs,
you gotta BE a big dog, Puppy.”
“Face it—bigger is better!”
“Yeah, yeah, I told you that even with these outfits, I wouldn’t be big enough to get into the good stuff,
but you wouldn’t listen to me.”
but you wouldn’t listen to me.”
“You gonna eat him?”
“Yes, Officer—I saw this bony-assed Flash character trying to get in where he doesn’t belong.”
Richard walked quickly away. He felt so ashamed, he took off his Flash costume.
Richard walked quickly away. He felt so ashamed, he took off his Flash costume.
“I told you I wasn’t padding! I’ve been working on my gut for the last year!”
“You’ve come a long way, honey. Keep up the good work!”
"Never underestimate the power of the 6 pack!"
Richard heard his name called:
“Listen—I’ve been watching you over the years.
“Listen—I’ve been watching you over the years.
I think you have potential. I used to be big—really big.
But I got sick, kid. I’m now just a shadow of myself.
But I know I can coach you to greatness."
“It’s true—if it weren’t for Coach’s help, I’d still be buying pants in the boys department.
You should listen to him!”
"Well, look—I’ve been trying on my own, and I have nothing to show for it,” Richard said,
pulling off his shirt and showing…not much of anything.
“Dude—you should just pack it in! You’re too skinny to even waste time on.”
“Yeah, Coach—work with guys like us---stay with the big guys!”
“I didn’t say it would be easy,” muttered the Coach. “But if you do exactly
what I tell you to do, you have a chance. I know a place my brother runs by the water
where you can really concentrate on your bellybuilding.”
Richard committed himself to his new Coach,
and in a few days was at a quiet resort on the coast,
where he met some of the other trainees.
“So, you’re the one Coach sent down,” Bruno said. “I’ve never known him to work with someone as pitiful and thin as you, but I guess he sees something in you. Have a beer and get started.”
“Welcome to the resort,” said Eric. “I know you’re going to like it here.
They’ve got great food.”
"I can barely see a difference," thought Richard after the first 10 days,
"but the scales say I've put on 11 pounds..."
“I don’t know, Richard—I think you have to kick it up some. You still look as if you’d blow over in a strong wind.” Kyle ordered him a large pizza and a pitcher of beer.
The following week: “191 pounds….maybe I do feel a bit bigger—a bit softer…”
“198! It’s amazing how much fatter I feel at just 7 pounds more…
Whoa! There went the button on my jeans!”
“I’m worried about Richard. He’s just not fattening up at the rate I thought he would,"
the office manager told his wife. Richard overheard him…he took a deep breath and went back to finish the half plate of chicken alfredo he had left. Then he ordered dessert.
"Hey, Richard," called Tony---"you’re looking really good today. Get a haircut or something?”
“I can’t believe how much bigger I’m getting! Richard patted his growing gut. "At last! Oh, yeah, at this rate I’m gonna be able to fill out my Flash outfit the way it was meant to be filled!”
Woohoo! Look at those numbers!”
“YES! I’m gonna make it in time! I’ve got the gut I was always meant to have!
And I'm glad I followed the Coach's advice and stopped shaving my body hair so much."
"I just got off the phone from the Coach, Richard, and I’ve told him how well you’re doing. He says he’s looking forward to seeing you back at the DragonCon as planned.”
Richard invited some of his friends to join him the last weekend he was at the resort.
“You look freaking amazing,” said Benden, “How do you feel?”
“I feel fat!” smiled Richard, “ I feel great!”
“I feel fat!” smiled Richard, “ I feel great!”
"After seeing your new beard, Richard," said Benden, "I’ve decided I’m also going to grow me some facial hair. What do you think?”
" I know I won’t be the size of some of the others," thought Richard
when he checked into DragonCon, "but I’m willing to put on my costume. I’m ready!”
"Ewwww,” said the evil cheerleaders, “…you’re so fat!”
"I tell you, I’m not going to put on a costume again until I’ve packed on at least another 20 pounds. They just made too much fun of me at this size. I want to look more like Flash over there.”
Richard smiled.
"Wow!" said Dustin in his Batman outfit. "Didn’t you used to be Richard?
I mean—you look incredible!”
Richard felt as if he were walking on air.
“Richard! You’ve never looked better! Let me feast my Bat eyes on you!
“Richard! You’ve never looked better! Let me feast my Bat eyes on you!
Give ol’ Batman a ride!”
“Jeez, sorry Richard,” said Dustin, “I didn’t think I was that heavy…You OK?”
“Flash,” said a Thor walking by, “looking good, man!”
“He’s looking more than good! By next DragonCon he’s gonna be wearing my size!”
"Hey, Richard—you’re sure filling out your outfit a lot better these days!”
Richard kept feeling his pride swell bigger than his new belly.
That reminded him that he was hungry.
"Holy Moly! You're the sexiest Flash I've ever seen!"
"Hey, Flash,” said a pretty, but awfully skinny young man in a little bit of cloth.
“Would you be willing to coach me so I can start fattening up?
I want to be like you.”
"Coach,” said Richard, “I want to thank you for helping me
become the super hero I was meant to be!”
And Richard took the pretty kid up on his offer.
The kid was a lot bigger the following year…
And with Richard's help--even Spiderman was finally able to be a real hero!
And they all lived fattily ever after...
