Thinking About A Divorce...

I was just wondering if anyone here has divorced or ended a serious relationship to pursue a gaining lifestyle. My marriage is pretty much on the rocks, and even though I am not very fat my wife hates what little weight I have gained. This pretty much makes me want to say "***" and not work very hard on saving the marriage. Then I could get as fat as I want, and maybe get with someone who likes me fat. There are no kids involved, by the way. Just wondering if anyone has had this experience?

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Well, in my experience as a Family Therapist specializing in Couples...

I would say for you to ask others  about this means on a fundamental level you've already made your decision.


I would suggest it would be useful to engage in at least a few therapy sessions--not to "fix" your marriage, but to peacefully and respectfully disengage. Some of what you describe would indicate there is already anger present, and few things can fan that anger better than blaming each other during the divorce proceedings. There are social workers and counselors who specialize in mediation of this type. It makes it so much cleaner and safer when you've decided to end the coupleship.  Believe me, it's worth the cost of the sessions in what you can save from a nasty divorce.

The other thing I lecture on a lot--people will often repeat certain patterns in relationships (This is what we call professionally, "This time I know I can make it work!").

In essence, a person can have 3 or 4 relationships with different people, but it's basically the same relationship. It would save both of you a lot of pain if you can identify what some of these repeat patterns are so you don't have to have an unfortunate relationship next time--or that she doesn't. I think that's one of the real values of therapy. Notice I'm not addressing the weight gain--as one of the other board members mentioned, I also don't feel this is really about gaining.

It may, however, be related to you claiming yourself and your needs. You're getting big enough to be noticed by her on many levels, and not all of it is around weight.