Is My Behind My Best Asset?

Anyway, I have a question for you.
I've been struggling with my sexuality for quite a while now... When I am not aroused, I'm intensely attracted to the more curvy variety of women.

However, whenever I receive compliments on my behind, I begin to get sexually aroused. This translates into me getting the burning desire to get fatter, be fed, be submissive, and (shouldst thou pardon my french) get ***ed in my behind.

This has become quite a schism in my life for me-- it has led to my weight yo-yoing, me posing provocatively for men when I'm aroused, and me almost meeting up with people in my area for feeding sessions.

I don't have a problem with homosexuality, I just want to know how/where I'm classified. I've been in several relationships before, the majority of which have characterized me as the submissive of the male/female partnership.

My question is two-fold.
1) Who/what am I?! I know that this is incredibly general, but what is the classification for my behavior? Are there others like me?

2) I do wish to be fed and entered at some point in the future. However, I am a gay sex virgin. How do I train my body to feel pleasure (not pain!) from a penis entering me?

3) I wish not to seem desperate, but all the feedees I've seen around here focus mainly on their tummies. I'm not sure if I'm a weird niche for specializing in my ass, but are there people that appreciate this? Am I alone?

Thanks for all your time,

***************

First of all, as a Family Therapist who has been around for a long time, it's a relief to get this sort of question from a young person, as opposed to someone more than twice your age who has been too challenged or frightened to explore their interests and sexuality. Whether it comes to gaining or expressing one's sexuality, I've rarely encountered anyone who said, “Oh, thank God I never did anything about this until I was in my fifties—I'm so happy I lost decades of becoming more authentically me.” I have, however, come across many who said, “After I finally accepted myself, I realized how many years I wasted trying to fight who I am.”

Is it unusual for someone to receive a lot of reinforcement for how they look—particularly a specific body part? Let's just say there's a reason many women spend a great deal of money getting breast implants. Both men and women who have striking eye color grow up having others regularly comment on how beautiful they are. It's obvious in your case your derrière gets a lot of attention. It's then becomes a cyclical experience—the more you get complimented on it, the more it helps your self-esteem, which encourages you to both show it off more and to wear clothing that emphasizes it. The danger of relying on a body part or a specific “look” to bolster self-esteem is if the attention is lost—because age undermines the look, or weight loss deflates what drew attention—then a person can begin to feel bad about him or herself. This is one of the reasons from a psychological perspective, it's always a good idea to be a well-rounded person (and not just in the context of a waistline), so one doesn't feel valued for just one aspect of life.

Some types of therapy (not the one I practice, by the way) would also spend time having you look back at early childhood experiences where your rear end received a lot of attention or praise. What matters to me is this matters to you—you obviously (based on the photos on your profile) have an impressive set of genetic advantages that have allowed you to have a bottom others admire, and you share you have allowed men to admire your “assets” on the Internet. There are men (and women) who go crazy for asses, just as some idealize large breasts or well developed legs.

As I've written in other posts, there's a theory called “The Love Map,” where one's erotic landscape tends to develop at a relatively young age, usually before the age of eight. Since you report you are aroused by attention to your ass, it's likely the fusion of eroticism and attention to your rear happened early on. For example, if two young neighborhood children are playing “house” or “doctor” and are exploring their bodies while nude, a horrified mother may discover them, and jerks her son away, spanking him and and yelling, “Don't you ever let me catch you doing that again.” If the child was sexually aroused (and children are extremely sexual beings, but don't developmentally process this as adults do—-they instead focus on pleasurable sensations) at this moment, then there can be a fusion of the spanking with sexual arousal. This is one of the reasons about one in four American adults report enjoying spanking as part of their foreplay. In earlier times in England, when caning was commonly used in discipline, you see the same impact—where men would often pay commercial sex workers to cane their rear ends. If you were in therapy with me (and you're not) I might ask you about how much you've privately pleasured yourself using your ass, or if you've done so while interacting on webcams with your male admirers. My interest is around how you can appropriately and successfully be able to express yourself sexually.

So—let's get back to your specific questions.

1. 
   
   
   Yes. There are many people—both male and female—who achieve arousal from a focus on their asses. There are a number of nerve endings in the anus, which is one of the reasons being able to “take a dump” when you really need to do so can feel to be such a relief and enjoyable. This is also one of the reasons many individuals include enemas as part of their sex play. Going back to the Love Map theory, it may well be when they were very young, their caretakers gave them enemas as part of their health care (this was done more frequently in older times) and they learned to associate enemas with pleasure. For many males, stimulation of the prostrate can be extremely pleasurable. This is not a gay or straight issue—although at least in American culture, many straight men are socialized to consider this “gay” or “dirty.” But trust me, there are many straight men who very much enjoy having their prostrate massaged, and a major vibrator manufacturer has recently been marketing vibrators to heterosexual couples with the idea of them pleasuring each other. I should also mention, that while there is a stereotype “gay sex” is specifically “anal sex,” this simply isn't true. There are many gay men who have never had anal sex, or have tried it and did not enjoy it. Humans have a lot of variations, and not all males will experience the same level of enjoyment from anal play as others. In some cases, both men and women who were sexually abused as children may have extremely negative reactions to anal sex play or stimulation. In other cases, they may have grown up in families that stressed anything “down there” was “nasty” and no explorations were permitted. In this case, it's not a physical or psychological issue, but a societal one. So—does enjoying your rear end “make” you gay? No. It does however, increase your options for sexual pleasure. However, if your primary interest is in attracting the attention of other men by displaying your rear end and fantasizing penetration, then you're definitely moving away from the “Zero” category of the Kinsey Scale (exclusively heterosexual) and moving over to the bisexual or gay sections. As I've written before, the Kinsey Scale (Where an individual who is classified as a Kinsey Zero has only had heterosexual experiences, and a Kinsey Six has only had same-sex experiences, with everyone else falling into Two, Three, Four, or Five) was developed more than half a century ago, and is very limited. It only measures actual sexual behavior, and not, for example, sexual fantasies. Just so, if you are a man married to a woman and you have her penetrate you with a dildo while you imagine you're being penetrated by a man—you will still be considered a Kinsey Zero. More modern tools, like the Klein Grid, look at several factors in relationships. A male may prefer to only socialize with other men (so he would have a high score on “homo-social”) but if he doesn't want to have sex with other men, he would have a low score on “homo-sexual” behavior. This can get complicated, and one of the reasons why some men (or women) don't feel a common label really suits them. This is why “self-identification” is yet another category, where some people will comfortably identify as gay, while someone else who has the same behavior, will not.  This can explain why you might feel curvy women are attractive, but you may not desire them sexually.  Also, for those who grew up in sexually repressive families or societies (which includes most Americans) this is one of the major attractions of being submissive. It's the idea “If I give over control of my sexuality (or my waistline—or in your case—your ass) to someone else, I don't have to feel any guilt about what happens because I'm not in control of the situation—he/she is. This is one of the reasons it's a very common fantasy in the gaining community to be force-fed, or kidnapped by a dominant feeder who will order you to become whatever size he or she wants you to be. Let me emphasize this is not just about the gaining community—the same dynamic will be found in the Leather/S&M communities as well.
2. 
   Well, if you think about it, everyone who has had “gay sex” was a gay sex virgin at one point. Here's what I suggest to those who want to explore this. Go organic. Buy a package of condoms. Buy veggies (such as cucumbers or zucchinis) of various sizes. Purchase small ones (like the size of your finger) as well as larger ones. Also buy lube. “Glove” your vegetable with a condom and be generous with the lube. Start small as you get used to the sensation of using this as an organic dildo. Concentrate on learning to relax as much as possible, because a tightened sphincter can cause discomfort. Obviously you can also use your fingers to explore this, but since you eventually want a human partner, it's best to train yourself with an object that is separate from yourself, and your fingers also have nerves and sensations, so you'd be conditioning yourself in a very different way. By all means, once you've gotten some experience with this, consider investing in some sex toys, such as the vibrators I've mentioned, or dildos. If you're uncomfortable going into a sex shop, in the Internet age, sex toys are just a click away on your laptop. But again, I want to emphasize you start off training yourself to associate pleasure with the use of a condom and lube while being penetrated. The other vital lube—is communication. Once you've become experienced with condom covered cucumbers or vibrators, when you're ready to have a human partner, you'll be in a much better position to let him know how to best satisfy you. Don't let him try to mind read you—tell him specifically what sort of things you enjoy. My first Lover/Signficant Other swore by the idea that if the partner who is penetrating simultaneously masturbates the guy being penetrated, using the same rhythm, the results are irresistible. To be frank, while this is extremely pleasurable to a number of partners, it isn't the ultimate turn on for everyone, which is why being able to speak clearly about expectations and what you'd like to experience is so important. Also, some tops are very excited about being “your first,” but other tops have very strict personal rules that they don't want to deal with a virgin, because of past negative experiences with virgins who haven't done any of the “prep work” I've been suggesting. Also, don't hesitate to use your Internet skills to investigate the details of anal sex, including issues of hygiene.
3. 
   Human beings can be very complicated. Based on the theory of the Love Map, for example, at an early age, there can be an erotic fusion between sexuality and feeling stuffed or fat. If I had a dollar for every adult gainer who has told me he or she used to stuff pillows under their clothes when they were children to pretend to be fat, I could have retired several years ago. For someone else the fusion may occur between sexuality and feeding/fattening someone. Just so, in the gaining community, you can get someone who is exclusively a gainer and someone who is exclusively a feeder. You will also encounter individuals who will completely focus on gaining, or belly play, rather than having a genital expression of sexuality. While I've been talking about gay, straight, or bisexual people, there's also a fourth category that often gets left out in these sorts of discussion—and those are the asexuals. I've encountered a number of asexual members of the gaining community, who don't have an interest in being sexually (genitally) involved with others, but may have a romantic interest in a partner, or want a partner to exclusively feed him or her, or do belly/ass play. For more information on asexuals, you might want to check out www.asexuality.org.

Finally—going back to your personal issues of yo-yoing back and forth as a reaction to others, I'll tell you what I tell to so many others. You often have to find out what you don't want in order to find out what you do want. You don't want to change your body to please someone else. Don't think of your weight yo-yoing as being a failure, but as an exploration. The other physical reality is you've listed your age as 19. Humans don't tend to achieve full adult growth until around the age of 24. This means it's quite likely your waist and ass are not going to be the size when you're say, 25, that they are now while you're in your late teens. Find out what brings you pleasure and a sense of ownership of your own body. If this means having a bigger ass, then (metaphorically) embrace a bubble butt and celebrate yourself. As I was explaining to another young person, what often is one of the most powerul way of attracting a partner is to feel good about yourself and to radiate self-confidence. This combination can often outweigh the latest fashion or a body you've spent years shaping in a way you think will turn others on. And trust me—feeling good about yourself and having self-confidence can last a lifetime, in a way a full head of beautiful hair may not. My Significant Other's grandmother is 85 years old and flew down to visit us a few weeks ago and what struck me the most was how beautiful and elegant she is.  Best of luck in becoming the man you want to be.