Will Women (and my family) Want The Big Guy I Want To Be?

(I ask that if you were to put this in your blog not to mention my name)

I just recently found your website and after looking around it I think you might finally be able to help me with a question I've been keeping inside of me.

I'm at an age of fifteen and have always wanted to gain weight. A story you might have heard before: tall and skinny; not really that big, bulky, or outstanding. I really enjoy the thought of becoming a massive guy with a giant gut hanging out in front of me, and whenever I look at a guy like that I get turned on and think "I want to be as fat and big as he is". 

I haven't had the courage to start gaining the weight to get to my dream of about 400 pounds (which I plan on getting to), and here's why: my family is fairly skinny, fit, and into sports and exercise. I don't want to show that I want to become a huge guy and put some distance between us. I'm quite a good athlete and I don't want to disappoint my family by wasting the body I have now to become that giant guy.

I also find it sexually attractive to have a bulging gut. It makes me feel like I would stand out. For the gut to say that I'm bigger, heavier, and more solid than all the other guys. I want to be a gainer and put on a lot of weight in fat. I want to have extra flab on my body that jiggles and bounces as I walk. To stick out in front of me and give me trouble in any daily activity. I want people to be attracted to me from the pounds of weight in my belly and enlarged body parts the same way I'm turned on thinking about it.

Now here's the problem: I don't want to be in a gay sexual relationship with other guys.

I know other guys who are gainers and encouragers are gay and enjoy these thoughts and doings the same way I do, but I don't want to go out with another guy. When I look at a overweight guy I find the gut attractive and get turned on thinking of what it would be like if I had those extra pounds. But I don't want to be with him, I want to be him.

So is it possible for me to really be straight and just have a gut/fat fetish? Would any women like me if I were to be fat? And if not should I go ahead with the gaining anyway? 

I find girls attractive and want them to be the ones who were to like me and get into a sexual relationship with if I were chubby, but when I started thinking about the whole gay gainer thing I had second thoughts of who I would really be appealing to.

(No offense to any gay men reading this- I just don't want to mate with a guy)

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Let me start with the last question.  There are a lot of gay men who strive to have a body that would be on the cover of a fitness magazine, and they catch the attention of a lot of straight women, but that’s not the audience they’re trying to attract.  It just happens.  In the same way, a lot of straight men get freaked out by lesbians who wear flannel, cut their hair in a butch way and don’t wear make-up—but trust me, these lesbians are not trying to attract straight men.

Let me give you a word of advice to avoid growing up to be a douchebag.  When someone says, “You look really good,” the correct response is, “Thank you.”  The wrong one is, “I only value positive feedback from someone I want to mate with.” A lot of women really admire a man who is so secure in his own body and sexuality he isn’t threatened by someone he doesn’t want to mate with who finds him attractive. This includes gay men.  Good on you for being 15 and aware enough to realize you want to ask your question without being offensive to gay men.

Now, let’s go back to the first part of your e-mail.  It’s a normal teen thing to wonder if the people you love will love and support you. True love is unconditional.  That means they love you even if you mess up.  And in some cases, you may think you’ve messed up, but the people you love just accept you because of who you are—not what you do. Jeez-if I could just get more people to believe that, most therapists would lose a lot of business.

Your “final” growth doesn’t stop until you’re around 24 or so.  That means at the age of 15, you really don’t know what you’re going to look like when you’re ten years older—or twenty, for that matter. And speaking as someone old enough (ouch) to be your father (and if your mother is a member of the Yakama tribe where we both graduated from the same university, I might actually be your father)—in ten or twenty years, your parents  may not be as “skinny and into sports” as they are now.   You might want to check on how both sets of your grandparents look.

Can you admire a belly on another guy and wish you had it and not want to have sex with him?  Absolutely, just as most straight men who cheer their favorite quarterback in the NFL may fantasize about being him without wanting to mate with him. You can also dream about being James Bond from the movies without dreaming about being in bed with him.  It’s what we call in psychology “being inspired” or “motivated” by someone.

Also—there are a number of sports where being a big guy is a major plus.  I’m not just talking about sumo wrestling.  But I went to high school in Oklahoma (so not bragging about that) where high school wrestling was more popular at the time than football.  Do you know what heavy-weight category Olympic wrestlers look like? Do you know what Olympic shot-put stars look like?  Do you know what (I don’t really know what to call them, but I know what they look like) Olympians who ride in the back of toboggans look like? Do you know what the “strongest men in the world” contest winners look like? Or world-class Powerlifters?  There are also all sorts of sports—including those available in high school or college where guess what? Fans admire a big guy who is a big guy. And that includes female fans.

You have all sorts of options available to you where you can have it all. There are sites like www.fantasyfeeder.com where there are many women who prefer a larger guy. There are also women who are turned on by the idea of a big strong man who can “protect” them who don’t want someone who is “tall and skinny,” but a man who is “more solid.” Announce to your family you want to start "bodybuilding" and part of professional bodybuilding means you have to "bulk up," which basically means when you're not in a contest where you need to have a single digit bodyfat percentage is -- wait for it--you're "fat." Most people don't know when they see photos of professional (or amateur) bodybuilders on stage, they only look that way for a day.  Afterwards they stop starving themselves and quickly add 50 or more pounds. If your family has a "fitness fetish" then it may help you to find a recognized sport where being a heavyweight is a plus.  This means certain positions in football, wrestling,or bodybuilding.